"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we’ve got to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that he commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it." - Stephen Colbert
"Here lies ... Walt Whitman! Aaargh! Damn you Walt Whitman! *kicks* I...hate...you...Walt...freaking...Whitman! Leaves of grass my ass!" - Homer
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally." - WC Fields
"Life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."
"My favorite animal is the bunny because it's soft like girls."
"I'm doomed to a life of forlorn pudgery!!!"
"See what I did there? I made it seem as if you're a homosexual...that's funny to me."
Max: "My teacher says real beauty is on the inside." Fletcher: "That's just something ugly people say."
"Laughter is infectious like smallpox or gay."
"Where should I put this cart full of hatched chickens? Oh, before this horse is good!" - Megan
Monica: "Aw, I used to love to play restaurant." Ross: "Yeah, not as much as you loved to play uncooked batter-eater."
We will smother you and crush your dreams. Yours in Christ, The Calvary Kids
Our moral high grounds continue to be in the basement of a brothel in a swamp. Next door to some dude fucking Patrick Stump in a bunny suit - dsudis
Just think - you can go to the ghetto and write porn! - rhythmsextion
Personally, I'm uncomfortable that LGBT rights fall under the umbrella of "politics." I feel like they should fall under "oh my gosh what the fuck century are we living in?!" - themegs
rhythmsextion on J2's reactions to horrible awful Very Bad manips:
Jared's Outward Reaction: "Wow, that's... that's interesting. And impressive. Hey, Jensen, look at this, she made you into a quadriplegic ninja!" Jared's Inside Dialogue: "DEAR GOD WHY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??"
Jensen's Outward Reaction:"SECURITY."
SJP = Transvestite Donkey Witch
Stanley: "Dwight, why is the toilet paper only half a ply?" Dwight: "Oh, I'm sorry - is that good enough for your anus? Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is."
"We have the exact same family structure - let's bone" - katrin on J2
Lisa: "Screamapillar Care Tips. Wow, look at this stuff. Without constant reassurance, it will die. Its sexually attracted to fire-" Homer: "Are you sure God doesn't want it to be dead?"
Michael: "I need my entourage. Jim! Dwight! Ryan! C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters." Ryan: "Oh, man, I can't." Michael: "Why not?" Ryan: "I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy. Peanut allergy. I just ate there last night." Michael: "Ok. Feel better. C'mon, Jim, let's go." Jim: "Wow. Thanks for taking all the excuses, dude." Ryan: "Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. *picks up phone* I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back."
Homer: "There once was a rapping tomato. That's right, I said rapping tomato. He rapped all day, from April to May...and, also, guess what? It was me."